Guest Amenities

I guess it's pretty common for a lot of people to have certain things in their homes, condos, apartments, etc. in order to accomodate any guests who are coming over for a visit, for dinner, and even spending the night(s). And when you think about that, you could probably say it is most common for people to have decent amenities for these guests to feel at home or even better than what they may be used to.
Obviously, you want to be a good host by offering whatever the person needs...

...but what happens when you have a guest that may be overstaying their visit?

On top of that, what happens when you just flat out don't enjoy their company or even their existence for that matter.

I know, it may be a little harsh, but let's be honest with ourselves here. Most of us are humans, pretty decent ones at that...but for those who aren't good at being humans are the ones will say, "get the eff outta my place, I am sick of your odor and the weird napkins you leave everywhere!"

But most of us aren't like that. And if you're anything like me, you may even try to have a little or a lot of fun with the situation at hand. What could you possibly do to have the person leave?
Maybe fart a lot? Neh, they smell worse than your most silent, deadliest one, so that probably won't work, unless your air shits smell like fresh baby diaper doodoo...than you may be a winner. If this applies to you -try to leave a couple tightie whities with some fat, ripe looking skid marks around the guests' "temporary room".

You don't want to start talking about anything offensive or political because that could open new lanes of conversation you do not want yourself to get into with this person. You should probably stay away from sexual orientation too, that could really backfire on a number of levels you don't want to find out.

So, you might be familiar with retail stores that sell guest beds that are comfortable, affordable, and easy to store away, right? Sure you are. (i.e. Skymall...thank you)

Let's go down a different road and not get out the good guest bed that folds out and feels very comfortable, but rather, you should decide to buy, "The unbelieveably uncomfortable, get-out-of-my-house, guest bed!"
 
This foldout is very small and terribly uncomfortable - so it is quite easy to store away and should not take up too much room.
 
Did they stay on your couch for one night?
 
It's okay, so you say, "We are getting our couches cleaned and now this is your bed - or you can find another place to stay/sleep." :) -smiling during this comment is essential.
 
They will probably accept the bed because this is my story - so you just play the waiting game (you've been doing it for this long, so have some fun) and see how long the unwanted guest can spend on a metal, noisy, wire grid 6-inches off the ground topped of with a mattress similar to a slice of wonderbread - sheets are definitely optional - depending the severity of unwantedness.